The Zombie Apocalypse You & WordPress

It’s a strange statement, isn’t it? I mean the Zombie apocalypse which incidentally is not entirely that far-fetched, coupled with WordPress? What the hell is this fool blathering about anyway? Well those of us who watch The Walking Dead know the likelihood of an outbreak and have imbibed enough from it’s harsh and brutal cup of truth. So rasp and picture the scene if you will.

Let our tale of terror begin…

They never really took to you, but hey you were never the gregarious type. You never asked them to like you, you just wanted to be part of a team surviving. The others disdain of you was apparent, ‘who the hell do they think they you are’, it’s written all over there embittered faces. Battle-hardened after ten weeks of constant fighting and evasion. They didn’t like you, they never did. 

You’d only been with them for two weeks, in fact, you’d heard them say the words ‘fresh meat’ and were mindful in case they were cannibals. Eyeing you up and down, pitying you’re relentless need to carry your laptop bag with a strange ‘W’ on it.

“What’s that ‘W’ mean anyway? You a Walker lover huh?” snarled one. ‘They ain’t no walker lover, but them their walkers over yonder might like to take a tasty little bite out of them” joked another.

It was a cold day, the coldest it had been since the outbreak. The panicked breath of the others emitted little clouds around them, getting faster now as they all realize the situation unfolding around them. Cornered and out of options, the team starts to fall one by one, gushing and gurgling sounds permeate the air. The last death throws of some can be heard before they join the undead horde all too quick.

Trapped. In a blink of an eye, your team is wiped out. It’s just you on your lonesome now. You manage to struggle free from your rotting oppressors. Mourning the death of your companions albeit for a fleeting moment, as you keep alive. Constantly evading, dodging and diving your way to that last bastion of safety.

You see a bunker in the distance, the swishing of the dead as they pass through the woods, the crackle of dead feet on twigs. You make your way through the trees to the bunker. It seems empty, the door is ajar. Guess they didn’t make it. 

You delicately wrap your fingers around the edge of the door, pulling it towards your body with pinched breath. Your eyes closed praying for silence. 

The door does not yield a sound, you’re in. There are no signs of life as your torch flits from one section of the bunker to the next arcing over a myriad of boxes, magazines and hitting the reflection of canned goods.

A clean sweep of the bunker sees you with enough provisions for a lengthy stay. Satisfied with your search you make you’re way back to the door and seal it mindful of the noise. Power is restored thanks to your ingenuity and knows how you tuck into a few tins of beans. Your hunger satiated then that feeling comes over you in waves, safe at last.

You spot an internet connection, you hastily lift off your bag from your shoulder and pull out your laptop. Your fingers feverishly search for a cable, you find one and plug it in. Your up and running online, all of your favorite social media sites are down, no Twitter, Facebook, the mic is smashed on your laptop. All you have is your blog, that’s still on the installation screen.

‘W’ for walkers, the fools your tongue delicately rolls to the side of your mouth in a nonchalant manner. ‘It means WordPress bitches.’

The scene ends.

You’re now on your own. You have an install of WordPress ready to rock and roll and a directory of plugins and themes on your laptop. My question is what theme would you use and indeed what plugins would you use to make sure your apocalyptic blog is not only seen but looks rather sexy to boot. As well as reasons why.

Be imaginative as you like! Look forward to your comments and hey this is just a bit of fun so just roll with it, sister 😉


Kinsta Managed WordPress Hosting

Hey there, I run I blog about WordPress, write reviews and offer tips where I can, why not follow me on Twitter or something?

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